Today's post is not going to be the most upbeat. I am tired. Let me rephrase, I'm EXHAUSTED! I didn't work out Friday or Saturday nights and got back on schedule last night. Not gonna lie, I was almost too tired to do it but I pushed through a measly 25 minutes of walk/jog anyway. Mentally I was drained from the process of getting Blake to bed. Richard left late to take Morgon home and I was on my own with the kids until almost 9. Blake isn't used to me putting him to bed and never wants me to. After much crying I had to eventually stand outside his door while holding the handle closed until he gave in and started quietly calling for me. When I went back in, he said in the sweetest little voice "I tay in my bed now mommy". I almost cried right there. I put him back in bed and he told me goodnight. At that moment all I wanted to do was crawl in right beside him. My little man, my booey, my bubba, my baby......
BUT, the treadmill was calling me and so was sister. Her demands are wearing me thin. We argue like siblings sometimes. I try so hard not to engage her on that level but as I'm parenting her she is so combative and questioning sometimes, always trying to bargain with me and I don't like it one bit. I admire her determination and strength but it's wearing on me daily. Yesterday was one of those days. By bedtime I was literally falling in bed, only to wake up to her tapping me at midnight to come up and sleep with her. I ignored her as long as I could until she was stomping her feet in our dark bedroom telling (one of us) to come sleep with her. I've asked every parent I know what they would do with a child like like this who demands so much and is so unwilling to take NO for an answer and I get the same response over and over. Put your foot down, don't give in, she'll learn............
Why, then, is it not working with her? I'm tired of fighting with her over everything. Are we destined to be at each others throats our entire life? I surely didn't picture my relationship with my only daughter to be this way. Some of it is the age, I know, but I'm afraid most of it is just who she is. My plan is to teach her how to channel her determination into something wonderful, but at age 4, it's so draining some days.
Here's looking forward to another great and productive week. I'm aiming for another 2 pound weight loss and a few hours of extra sleep.
XOXO
Lots of good things going on this week
Weekly Recap -
I'm two weeks into the my weight loss plan and I'm feeling GREAT!!! I started week one by working out on the treadmill and exercise ball every day. On Friday of last week I got the urge to go even one step further and hopped on a Weight Watchers-online plan. I am so happy I did!!! My weigh in day is tomorrow, but I snuck on the scale this morning and looks like I've possibly lost 2-2.5 lbs this week alone! WOO HOOO!!!
Our Blakey boy is only one small step away from officially being a big boy. We put together his new bed on Sunday and lemme tell ya, that boy thought it was so cool! Now we gotta get rid of the diapers and we'll be home free. He has been helping Daddy work any time he can and got to help out with the new bed. He wants to work on anything and everything. My goodness, he is such a wonderful little man. Daddy assemble the bed and has been a complete angel going to sleep and staying in bed all night. Never could I dream that my two children would be so different from one another........I'll post some new pics this weekend of him with his new bed.
XOXO
I'm two weeks into the my weight loss plan and I'm feeling GREAT!!! I started week one by working out on the treadmill and exercise ball every day. On Friday of last week I got the urge to go even one step further and hopped on a Weight Watchers-online plan. I am so happy I did!!! My weigh in day is tomorrow, but I snuck on the scale this morning and looks like I've possibly lost 2-2.5 lbs this week alone! WOO HOOO!!!
Our Blakey boy is only one small step away from officially being a big boy. We put together his new bed on Sunday and lemme tell ya, that boy thought it was so cool! Now we gotta get rid of the diapers and we'll be home free. He has been helping Daddy work any time he can and got to help out with the new bed. He wants to work on anything and everything. My goodness, he is such a wonderful little man. Daddy assemble the bed and has been a complete angel going to sleep and staying in bed all night. Never could I dream that my two children would be so different from one another........I'll post some new pics this weekend of him with his new bed.
XOXO
We're all learning and growing
As I mentioned earlier I'm worse than a Hallmark card when it came to my emotions about my children. This is not a feeling anyone can prepare you for before parenthood. It's indescribable to every degree, but today is a day that I have to at least blabber the best I can about them. I had one of those nights where a certain child needed me terribly and I've been reflecting on what it is that they have blessed me with.
My kids are both at such wonderful ages and I often say if I could freeze time I would. I think I've said that at every age thus far and am glad we're not stuck in some of the other phases we went through. So I've decided it's not that I want to stop right here and right now, it's that I was to remember everything about these moments. Every smell, every touch, every laugh, cry, tickle, every expression and every single thing about their way of communicating and their little personalities. That's one big reason I take pictures, but it helps me to journal things like this, which I often do but not as much as I'd like. I print my blogs to save for my kids so this serves as my journal to them as well.
First there is Lauren. Lulu. Sissy. Wornen. Lornie. These are all of the beloved names that have been given to my beautiful girl by all those that love her. She's all princesses and bows, despite her genetics to be a tomboy. That is something she isn't and I'm still trying to figure out all the girly stuff with her. She's fussy, she's attention seeking and demanding. She is wise beyond her years and very articulate, speaking volumes from a very early age. She is questioning and curious and must ask me 1000 questions a day. She is attached to momma like nothing else I can describe . She is the most loving and sweet little girl I have ever met. She does not withhold any affection and loves to nurture me. She has to touch me, rub me, stroke me, kiss me, or hold me all the time. It's a bit odd, but I know one day she'll be sick of the sight of me and I'll think back to these days and smile. There has to be a reason I shouldn't be allowing this, like it may cause her to stay too dependant on me later in life......... but I'm not sure how to teach her not to show me so much affection and attention. That in itself seems wrong.
Then there is Mr B. Blakey Boo. Bubba Boy. Boo Boo Boy. Blakers. He is my joy. He is what completes me. He is soft and silly and shy. He is so ticklish and has the best laugh in the world. His smile melts me and his blue-brown eyes cut straight to my heart every darn time I look at him. He is learning so much so fast, and I'm ecstatic to hear him stringing sentences together. He is a man's man (a man's boy??) and is attached to his Daddy in a way only he could be. He is our fix it man, our future MMA fighter (if he can stop from laughing every time he's touched)and protector of big sissy. He is physical and strong and knows it. He is emotional and loses his breath when he cries if you chastise him. Makes you want to scoop him up and love on him the minute you smack his hand or raise your voice. He's like his big brothers Morgon and Trey all rolled into one. I can't believe I have the pleasure of being his mommy. What a blassing and reward!
These kids are the reason I wake up every morning. I greet the day with excitement to see what wonderous things they will do and say. My fuse is shorter than I'd like it to be most times and our busy schedules don't help my stress levels much at all. My joy comes each day as I take note all the ways I have practiced patience and understanding with these two miracles. Having them has forever changed me, as every person says it will. You just don't know, until it happens. I am a mom who lives and breaths for my kids and always will. You won't find me planning a weekly girls night out, dinners alone with my husband, a spa day away, or an adult only vacations. I have forgotten what brand names are important, don't know what hairstyles are cool anymore, So many women say these are the things that keep them sane but my kids will look back and remember that mom was there every minute of every day that she could be. Short of working full time, they are a part of every.single.thing.I.do. Including working out......ha.
My kids are both at such wonderful ages and I often say if I could freeze time I would. I think I've said that at every age thus far and am glad we're not stuck in some of the other phases we went through. So I've decided it's not that I want to stop right here and right now, it's that I was to remember everything about these moments. Every smell, every touch, every laugh, cry, tickle, every expression and every single thing about their way of communicating and their little personalities. That's one big reason I take pictures, but it helps me to journal things like this, which I often do but not as much as I'd like. I print my blogs to save for my kids so this serves as my journal to them as well.
First there is Lauren. Lulu. Sissy. Wornen. Lornie. These are all of the beloved names that have been given to my beautiful girl by all those that love her. She's all princesses and bows, despite her genetics to be a tomboy. That is something she isn't and I'm still trying to figure out all the girly stuff with her. She's fussy, she's attention seeking and demanding. She is wise beyond her years and very articulate, speaking volumes from a very early age. She is questioning and curious and must ask me 1000 questions a day. She is attached to momma like nothing else I can describe . She is the most loving and sweet little girl I have ever met. She does not withhold any affection and loves to nurture me. She has to touch me, rub me, stroke me, kiss me, or hold me all the time. It's a bit odd, but I know one day she'll be sick of the sight of me and I'll think back to these days and smile. There has to be a reason I shouldn't be allowing this, like it may cause her to stay too dependant on me later in life......... but I'm not sure how to teach her not to show me so much affection and attention. That in itself seems wrong.
Then there is Mr B. Blakey Boo. Bubba Boy. Boo Boo Boy. Blakers. He is my joy. He is what completes me. He is soft and silly and shy. He is so ticklish and has the best laugh in the world. His smile melts me and his blue-brown eyes cut straight to my heart every darn time I look at him. He is learning so much so fast, and I'm ecstatic to hear him stringing sentences together. He is a man's man (a man's boy??) and is attached to his Daddy in a way only he could be. He is our fix it man, our future MMA fighter (if he can stop from laughing every time he's touched)and protector of big sissy. He is physical and strong and knows it. He is emotional and loses his breath when he cries if you chastise him. Makes you want to scoop him up and love on him the minute you smack his hand or raise your voice. He's like his big brothers Morgon and Trey all rolled into one. I can't believe I have the pleasure of being his mommy. What a blassing and reward!
These kids are the reason I wake up every morning. I greet the day with excitement to see what wonderous things they will do and say. My fuse is shorter than I'd like it to be most times and our busy schedules don't help my stress levels much at all. My joy comes each day as I take note all the ways I have practiced patience and understanding with these two miracles. Having them has forever changed me, as every person says it will. You just don't know, until it happens. I am a mom who lives and breaths for my kids and always will. You won't find me planning a weekly girls night out, dinners alone with my husband, a spa day away, or an adult only vacations. I have forgotten what brand names are important, don't know what hairstyles are cool anymore, So many women say these are the things that keep them sane but my kids will look back and remember that mom was there every minute of every day that she could be. Short of working full time, they are a part of every.single.thing.I.do. Including working out......ha.
Old sayings ring true
"Today is the first day of the rest of your life"
How many times has this applied in your life? In mine, I've lost count. I feel I'm constantly starting over, reinventing, rejuvinating, or reevaluating a portion of my life. Today is no different. After a solid week of working out daily I am elated at how wonderful I feel, so I woke up with the notion that I would take this weight loss seriously and on a whim, joined weight watchers online. I've been a part of weight watchers in the past when I thought I was super huge and fat and ugly and disgusting - at 135lbs. What a misconception that was, eh? I can't blame myself - I was only 23 at the time and when everyone around me is stick thin my curves made me feel like a fatty. Man, if only........ LOL. I was successful at losing 10 lbs and had no trouble at all sticking to my diet. The problem today is that I am cooking for an entire family whose tastes are diverse and varied. Richard is meat and potatoes all the way, while the kiddos are into kid food or anything pasta. They won't touch a potato in any form. No french fry, no mashed potato, nothing!!!! You can see how this poses a problem. The "2011 Jen" will find a way to overcome this obstacle while also meeting my own needs. Watch out world, I'm on a roll :)
How many times has this applied in your life? In mine, I've lost count. I feel I'm constantly starting over, reinventing, rejuvinating, or reevaluating a portion of my life. Today is no different. After a solid week of working out daily I am elated at how wonderful I feel, so I woke up with the notion that I would take this weight loss seriously and on a whim, joined weight watchers online. I've been a part of weight watchers in the past when I thought I was super huge and fat and ugly and disgusting - at 135lbs. What a misconception that was, eh? I can't blame myself - I was only 23 at the time and when everyone around me is stick thin my curves made me feel like a fatty. Man, if only........ LOL. I was successful at losing 10 lbs and had no trouble at all sticking to my diet. The problem today is that I am cooking for an entire family whose tastes are diverse and varied. Richard is meat and potatoes all the way, while the kiddos are into kid food or anything pasta. They won't touch a potato in any form. No french fry, no mashed potato, nothing!!!! You can see how this poses a problem. The "2011 Jen" will find a way to overcome this obstacle while also meeting my own needs. Watch out world, I'm on a roll :)
A long year
I always open my blog with the notion that "today is gonna be the day" I write my next blog post. I've been a writer my entire life. At times its been the only way I could express myself yet when it comes to blogging it just doesn't seem natural to me. Maybe I am more of a secret-journal type of gal and just can't write as freely on the internet as I could in a notebook that could easily be tucked into a drawer or some other secret hiding place. I'm giving it another shot though. My life has new perspective and I'm willing to see how this goes.
I'm not in the same place I was a year ago. It's been a long, eventful year with lots of ups and even more downs. The downs really got me down and I've worked hard to resume my happy place. It's a different happy place, one that I've been longing to get to. I'm finally worrying about me. As they say "I'm gonna do me for awhile"......hmmm, okay. Doing "me" consists of finding more time to enjoy the things I've stopped enjoying. It also means putting myself first for awhile becuase I've learned I'll be healthier that way. If I put myself first then I'll be better equipped to take care of my family. Selfish, it sounds, but it's not that way at all.
In the past year, I've gotten serious about photography in a way that I only dreamed I could. I don't know that I see myself as a future small business owner, but I'm enjoying the people I've met and experiences I've shared along the way. Personal growth is so important to me and I've been quite stifled for while. True, I've been busy having babies but that's different. I'm growing and that's all that counts for now. I don't just enjoy taking pictures like most people with cameras. My spot behind enables me to see things the way I want to. It's my perspective and no one else's. I am a very private person and the camera acts as my sheild.
I'm going to lose weight this year. I'll admit it.......I'm fat and never used to be. This has been a source or major depression for me that, for too long, spiraled out of control. It's victimized me, paralyzed me, embarrassed me and compromised my health. My children deserve a happy, healthy and active mom and I'm going to give them that no matter what it takes. Richard has worked hard to set up my work out room and I'm proud to say I'm working out every day. I don't expect to lose 40 lbs overnight, but I'm happy every day knowing I'm working toward a goal of becoming more healthy. My only concern is getting Ricahrd on board with a new lifestyle. He's pretty comfortable doing what he's doing for now. In time I hope my progress will be motivation for him.
I'm couponing!!! This is great. I've felt for so long that saving money was too overwhelming and I would eventually commit myself to the extreme measures some people take to save a buck. Now the kids a more self sufficient and I am able to carve out some more time to devote to this "sport". Yes, saving money is a sport. I am now getting the Sunday paper with the ad inserts for a dirt cheap price, am subscribed to all the best couponing sites, use ebates whenever I can, and have started shopping multiple stores. This is all part of my money saving plan in 2011. My coupon box is brimming with all sorts of coupons for things I need!!! This is a great feeling gang.
The babies........I'll save that for another day. They are so amazing it's indescribable. When it comes to them I'm a walking Hallmark card.
I'm not in the same place I was a year ago. It's been a long, eventful year with lots of ups and even more downs. The downs really got me down and I've worked hard to resume my happy place. It's a different happy place, one that I've been longing to get to. I'm finally worrying about me. As they say "I'm gonna do me for awhile"......hmmm, okay. Doing "me" consists of finding more time to enjoy the things I've stopped enjoying. It also means putting myself first for awhile becuase I've learned I'll be healthier that way. If I put myself first then I'll be better equipped to take care of my family. Selfish, it sounds, but it's not that way at all.
In the past year, I've gotten serious about photography in a way that I only dreamed I could. I don't know that I see myself as a future small business owner, but I'm enjoying the people I've met and experiences I've shared along the way. Personal growth is so important to me and I've been quite stifled for while. True, I've been busy having babies but that's different. I'm growing and that's all that counts for now. I don't just enjoy taking pictures like most people with cameras. My spot behind enables me to see things the way I want to. It's my perspective and no one else's. I am a very private person and the camera acts as my sheild.
I'm going to lose weight this year. I'll admit it.......I'm fat and never used to be. This has been a source or major depression for me that, for too long, spiraled out of control. It's victimized me, paralyzed me, embarrassed me and compromised my health. My children deserve a happy, healthy and active mom and I'm going to give them that no matter what it takes. Richard has worked hard to set up my work out room and I'm proud to say I'm working out every day. I don't expect to lose 40 lbs overnight, but I'm happy every day knowing I'm working toward a goal of becoming more healthy. My only concern is getting Ricahrd on board with a new lifestyle. He's pretty comfortable doing what he's doing for now. In time I hope my progress will be motivation for him.
I'm couponing!!! This is great. I've felt for so long that saving money was too overwhelming and I would eventually commit myself to the extreme measures some people take to save a buck. Now the kids a more self sufficient and I am able to carve out some more time to devote to this "sport". Yes, saving money is a sport. I am now getting the Sunday paper with the ad inserts for a dirt cheap price, am subscribed to all the best couponing sites, use ebates whenever I can, and have started shopping multiple stores. This is all part of my money saving plan in 2011. My coupon box is brimming with all sorts of coupons for things I need!!! This is a great feeling gang.
The babies........I'll save that for another day. They are so amazing it's indescribable. When it comes to them I'm a walking Hallmark card.
12 month checkup
My Poor Blake.
We went Monday for his routine 12 month checkup and a consult on his "possible" allergies. He's had severe eczema and terrible skin problems from a very early age, for which we're using a topical steriod ointment. Long term use of topical sterioids doesn't pose a threat, but it's definitely a pain in the butt to slather him down numerous times per day. I'm determined to get to the root of the issue causing the eczema, which I strongly suspect to be a milk or pet allergy. I volunteered several vials of his blood, which I later regretted simply due to the process that took place in order to retrieve his blood. My poor baby. He had all his normal checks, height, weight, nose, eyes, ears, breathing, etc and I was alarmed to find out he had another ear infection in which we did not know about. This makes the 4th in 7 months. I'm sure we'll be talking tubes in the near future.
We hope to have the allergy test results back within 10 days. He weighed in at 25lbs even, is 29 3/4" tall which puts him in the 75th% for weight and 50th% for height. Honestly I thought his weight had gone off the charts so this is my reassurance that's he's perfectly normal sized. (I still don't believe it)
We went Monday for his routine 12 month checkup and a consult on his "possible" allergies. He's had severe eczema and terrible skin problems from a very early age, for which we're using a topical steriod ointment. Long term use of topical sterioids doesn't pose a threat, but it's definitely a pain in the butt to slather him down numerous times per day. I'm determined to get to the root of the issue causing the eczema, which I strongly suspect to be a milk or pet allergy. I volunteered several vials of his blood, which I later regretted simply due to the process that took place in order to retrieve his blood. My poor baby. He had all his normal checks, height, weight, nose, eyes, ears, breathing, etc and I was alarmed to find out he had another ear infection in which we did not know about. This makes the 4th in 7 months. I'm sure we'll be talking tubes in the near future.
We hope to have the allergy test results back within 10 days. He weighed in at 25lbs even, is 29 3/4" tall which puts him in the 75th% for weight and 50th% for height. Honestly I thought his weight had gone off the charts so this is my reassurance that's he's perfectly normal sized. (I still don't believe it)
Outwitted, outsmarted, outplayed
Any working parent will tell you that the weekday morning rush is extremely rough once you throw kids into the mix. Children can be especially sensitive to changes in their schedules and often thrive on predictability. The side of this that makes life hard on us parents is that children themselves are not predictable creatures and have very individual needs, which has the tendency to launch a complete revolution when they’re pushed against their will.
Lately we’ve been fighting some enormous battles with Lauren when it comes to cooperating in the mornings. We routinely talk with her at bedtime about what we’re doing the next day in hopes she’ll wake up in a cooperative mood. I’m quickly realizing that my current approach isn’t working. I have a typical two year old, who at times is a bit more dramatic than other two year olds, and maybe a tad more stubborn or independent than others, but she still fits the range of what two year olds are. I understand my fears of not surviving toddlerhood with my kids are also very normal, but none of it is easier to deal with just because we’re like everyone else.
My simple goal of making sure to be one step ahead of my kids is already in jeopardy. My little Lauren has already outwitted me, outsmarted me, and outplayed me in many ways.
Lately we’ve been fighting some enormous battles with Lauren when it comes to cooperating in the mornings. We routinely talk with her at bedtime about what we’re doing the next day in hopes she’ll wake up in a cooperative mood. I’m quickly realizing that my current approach isn’t working. I have a typical two year old, who at times is a bit more dramatic than other two year olds, and maybe a tad more stubborn or independent than others, but she still fits the range of what two year olds are. I understand my fears of not surviving toddlerhood with my kids are also very normal, but none of it is easier to deal with just because we’re like everyone else.
My simple goal of making sure to be one step ahead of my kids is already in jeopardy. My little Lauren has already outwitted me, outsmarted me, and outplayed me in many ways.
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