As I mentioned earlier I'm worse than a Hallmark card when it came to my emotions about my children. This is not a feeling anyone can prepare you for before parenthood. It's indescribable to every degree, but today is a day that I have to at least blabber the best I can about them. I had one of those nights where a certain child needed me terribly and I've been reflecting on what it is that they have blessed me with.
My kids are both at such wonderful ages and I often say if I could freeze time I would. I think I've said that at every age thus far and am glad we're not stuck in some of the other phases we went through. So I've decided it's not that I want to stop right here and right now, it's that I was to remember everything about these moments. Every smell, every touch, every laugh, cry, tickle, every expression and every single thing about their way of communicating and their little personalities. That's one big reason I take pictures, but it helps me to journal things like this, which I often do but not as much as I'd like. I print my blogs to save for my kids so this serves as my journal to them as well.
First there is Lauren. Lulu. Sissy. Wornen. Lornie. These are all of the beloved names that have been given to my beautiful girl by all those that love her. She's all princesses and bows, despite her genetics to be a tomboy. That is something she isn't and I'm still trying to figure out all the girly stuff with her. She's fussy, she's attention seeking and demanding. She is wise beyond her years and very articulate, speaking volumes from a very early age. She is questioning and curious and must ask me 1000 questions a day. She is attached to momma like nothing else I can describe . She is the most loving and sweet little girl I have ever met. She does not withhold any affection and loves to nurture me. She has to touch me, rub me, stroke me, kiss me, or hold me all the time. It's a bit odd, but I know one day she'll be sick of the sight of me and I'll think back to these days and smile. There has to be a reason I shouldn't be allowing this, like it may cause her to stay too dependant on me later in life......... but I'm not sure how to teach her not to show me so much affection and attention. That in itself seems wrong.
Then there is Mr B. Blakey Boo. Bubba Boy. Boo Boo Boy. Blakers. He is my joy. He is what completes me. He is soft and silly and shy. He is so ticklish and has the best laugh in the world. His smile melts me and his blue-brown eyes cut straight to my heart every darn time I look at him. He is learning so much so fast, and I'm ecstatic to hear him stringing sentences together. He is a man's man (a man's boy??) and is attached to his Daddy in a way only he could be. He is our fix it man, our future MMA fighter (if he can stop from laughing every time he's touched)and protector of big sissy. He is physical and strong and knows it. He is emotional and loses his breath when he cries if you chastise him. Makes you want to scoop him up and love on him the minute you smack his hand or raise your voice. He's like his big brothers Morgon and Trey all rolled into one. I can't believe I have the pleasure of being his mommy. What a blassing and reward!
These kids are the reason I wake up every morning. I greet the day with excitement to see what wonderous things they will do and say. My fuse is shorter than I'd like it to be most times and our busy schedules don't help my stress levels much at all. My joy comes each day as I take note all the ways I have practiced patience and understanding with these two miracles. Having them has forever changed me, as every person says it will. You just don't know, until it happens. I am a mom who lives and breaths for my kids and always will. You won't find me planning a weekly girls night out, dinners alone with my husband, a spa day away, or an adult only vacations. I have forgotten what brand names are important, don't know what hairstyles are cool anymore, So many women say these are the things that keep them sane but my kids will look back and remember that mom was there every minute of every day that she could be. Short of working full time, they are a part of every.single.thing.I.do. Including working out......ha.
Old sayings ring true
"Today is the first day of the rest of your life"
How many times has this applied in your life? In mine, I've lost count. I feel I'm constantly starting over, reinventing, rejuvinating, or reevaluating a portion of my life. Today is no different. After a solid week of working out daily I am elated at how wonderful I feel, so I woke up with the notion that I would take this weight loss seriously and on a whim, joined weight watchers online. I've been a part of weight watchers in the past when I thought I was super huge and fat and ugly and disgusting - at 135lbs. What a misconception that was, eh? I can't blame myself - I was only 23 at the time and when everyone around me is stick thin my curves made me feel like a fatty. Man, if only........ LOL. I was successful at losing 10 lbs and had no trouble at all sticking to my diet. The problem today is that I am cooking for an entire family whose tastes are diverse and varied. Richard is meat and potatoes all the way, while the kiddos are into kid food or anything pasta. They won't touch a potato in any form. No french fry, no mashed potato, nothing!!!! You can see how this poses a problem. The "2011 Jen" will find a way to overcome this obstacle while also meeting my own needs. Watch out world, I'm on a roll :)
How many times has this applied in your life? In mine, I've lost count. I feel I'm constantly starting over, reinventing, rejuvinating, or reevaluating a portion of my life. Today is no different. After a solid week of working out daily I am elated at how wonderful I feel, so I woke up with the notion that I would take this weight loss seriously and on a whim, joined weight watchers online. I've been a part of weight watchers in the past when I thought I was super huge and fat and ugly and disgusting - at 135lbs. What a misconception that was, eh? I can't blame myself - I was only 23 at the time and when everyone around me is stick thin my curves made me feel like a fatty. Man, if only........ LOL. I was successful at losing 10 lbs and had no trouble at all sticking to my diet. The problem today is that I am cooking for an entire family whose tastes are diverse and varied. Richard is meat and potatoes all the way, while the kiddos are into kid food or anything pasta. They won't touch a potato in any form. No french fry, no mashed potato, nothing!!!! You can see how this poses a problem. The "2011 Jen" will find a way to overcome this obstacle while also meeting my own needs. Watch out world, I'm on a roll :)
A long year
I always open my blog with the notion that "today is gonna be the day" I write my next blog post. I've been a writer my entire life. At times its been the only way I could express myself yet when it comes to blogging it just doesn't seem natural to me. Maybe I am more of a secret-journal type of gal and just can't write as freely on the internet as I could in a notebook that could easily be tucked into a drawer or some other secret hiding place. I'm giving it another shot though. My life has new perspective and I'm willing to see how this goes.
I'm not in the same place I was a year ago. It's been a long, eventful year with lots of ups and even more downs. The downs really got me down and I've worked hard to resume my happy place. It's a different happy place, one that I've been longing to get to. I'm finally worrying about me. As they say "I'm gonna do me for awhile"......hmmm, okay. Doing "me" consists of finding more time to enjoy the things I've stopped enjoying. It also means putting myself first for awhile becuase I've learned I'll be healthier that way. If I put myself first then I'll be better equipped to take care of my family. Selfish, it sounds, but it's not that way at all.
In the past year, I've gotten serious about photography in a way that I only dreamed I could. I don't know that I see myself as a future small business owner, but I'm enjoying the people I've met and experiences I've shared along the way. Personal growth is so important to me and I've been quite stifled for while. True, I've been busy having babies but that's different. I'm growing and that's all that counts for now. I don't just enjoy taking pictures like most people with cameras. My spot behind enables me to see things the way I want to. It's my perspective and no one else's. I am a very private person and the camera acts as my sheild.
I'm going to lose weight this year. I'll admit it.......I'm fat and never used to be. This has been a source or major depression for me that, for too long, spiraled out of control. It's victimized me, paralyzed me, embarrassed me and compromised my health. My children deserve a happy, healthy and active mom and I'm going to give them that no matter what it takes. Richard has worked hard to set up my work out room and I'm proud to say I'm working out every day. I don't expect to lose 40 lbs overnight, but I'm happy every day knowing I'm working toward a goal of becoming more healthy. My only concern is getting Ricahrd on board with a new lifestyle. He's pretty comfortable doing what he's doing for now. In time I hope my progress will be motivation for him.
I'm couponing!!! This is great. I've felt for so long that saving money was too overwhelming and I would eventually commit myself to the extreme measures some people take to save a buck. Now the kids a more self sufficient and I am able to carve out some more time to devote to this "sport". Yes, saving money is a sport. I am now getting the Sunday paper with the ad inserts for a dirt cheap price, am subscribed to all the best couponing sites, use ebates whenever I can, and have started shopping multiple stores. This is all part of my money saving plan in 2011. My coupon box is brimming with all sorts of coupons for things I need!!! This is a great feeling gang.
The babies........I'll save that for another day. They are so amazing it's indescribable. When it comes to them I'm a walking Hallmark card.
I'm not in the same place I was a year ago. It's been a long, eventful year with lots of ups and even more downs. The downs really got me down and I've worked hard to resume my happy place. It's a different happy place, one that I've been longing to get to. I'm finally worrying about me. As they say "I'm gonna do me for awhile"......hmmm, okay. Doing "me" consists of finding more time to enjoy the things I've stopped enjoying. It also means putting myself first for awhile becuase I've learned I'll be healthier that way. If I put myself first then I'll be better equipped to take care of my family. Selfish, it sounds, but it's not that way at all.
In the past year, I've gotten serious about photography in a way that I only dreamed I could. I don't know that I see myself as a future small business owner, but I'm enjoying the people I've met and experiences I've shared along the way. Personal growth is so important to me and I've been quite stifled for while. True, I've been busy having babies but that's different. I'm growing and that's all that counts for now. I don't just enjoy taking pictures like most people with cameras. My spot behind enables me to see things the way I want to. It's my perspective and no one else's. I am a very private person and the camera acts as my sheild.
I'm going to lose weight this year. I'll admit it.......I'm fat and never used to be. This has been a source or major depression for me that, for too long, spiraled out of control. It's victimized me, paralyzed me, embarrassed me and compromised my health. My children deserve a happy, healthy and active mom and I'm going to give them that no matter what it takes. Richard has worked hard to set up my work out room and I'm proud to say I'm working out every day. I don't expect to lose 40 lbs overnight, but I'm happy every day knowing I'm working toward a goal of becoming more healthy. My only concern is getting Ricahrd on board with a new lifestyle. He's pretty comfortable doing what he's doing for now. In time I hope my progress will be motivation for him.
I'm couponing!!! This is great. I've felt for so long that saving money was too overwhelming and I would eventually commit myself to the extreme measures some people take to save a buck. Now the kids a more self sufficient and I am able to carve out some more time to devote to this "sport". Yes, saving money is a sport. I am now getting the Sunday paper with the ad inserts for a dirt cheap price, am subscribed to all the best couponing sites, use ebates whenever I can, and have started shopping multiple stores. This is all part of my money saving plan in 2011. My coupon box is brimming with all sorts of coupons for things I need!!! This is a great feeling gang.
The babies........I'll save that for another day. They are so amazing it's indescribable. When it comes to them I'm a walking Hallmark card.
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