As I mentioned earlier I'm worse than a Hallmark card when it came to my emotions about my children. This is not a feeling anyone can prepare you for before parenthood. It's indescribable to every degree, but today is a day that I have to at least blabber the best I can about them. I had one of those nights where a certain child needed me terribly and I've been reflecting on what it is that they have blessed me with.
My kids are both at such wonderful ages and I often say if I could freeze time I would. I think I've said that at every age thus far and am glad we're not stuck in some of the other phases we went through. So I've decided it's not that I want to stop right here and right now, it's that I was to remember everything about these moments. Every smell, every touch, every laugh, cry, tickle, every expression and every single thing about their way of communicating and their little personalities. That's one big reason I take pictures, but it helps me to journal things like this, which I often do but not as much as I'd like. I print my blogs to save for my kids so this serves as my journal to them as well.
First there is Lauren. Lulu. Sissy. Wornen. Lornie. These are all of the beloved names that have been given to my beautiful girl by all those that love her. She's all princesses and bows, despite her genetics to be a tomboy. That is something she isn't and I'm still trying to figure out all the girly stuff with her. She's fussy, she's attention seeking and demanding. She is wise beyond her years and very articulate, speaking volumes from a very early age. She is questioning and curious and must ask me 1000 questions a day. She is attached to momma like nothing else I can describe . She is the most loving and sweet little girl I have ever met. She does not withhold any affection and loves to nurture me. She has to touch me, rub me, stroke me, kiss me, or hold me all the time. It's a bit odd, but I know one day she'll be sick of the sight of me and I'll think back to these days and smile. There has to be a reason I shouldn't be allowing this, like it may cause her to stay too dependant on me later in life......... but I'm not sure how to teach her not to show me so much affection and attention. That in itself seems wrong.
Then there is Mr B. Blakey Boo. Bubba Boy. Boo Boo Boy. Blakers. He is my joy. He is what completes me. He is soft and silly and shy. He is so ticklish and has the best laugh in the world. His smile melts me and his blue-brown eyes cut straight to my heart every darn time I look at him. He is learning so much so fast, and I'm ecstatic to hear him stringing sentences together. He is a man's man (a man's boy??) and is attached to his Daddy in a way only he could be. He is our fix it man, our future MMA fighter (if he can stop from laughing every time he's touched)and protector of big sissy. He is physical and strong and knows it. He is emotional and loses his breath when he cries if you chastise him. Makes you want to scoop him up and love on him the minute you smack his hand or raise your voice. He's like his big brothers Morgon and Trey all rolled into one. I can't believe I have the pleasure of being his mommy. What a blassing and reward!
These kids are the reason I wake up every morning. I greet the day with excitement to see what wonderous things they will do and say. My fuse is shorter than I'd like it to be most times and our busy schedules don't help my stress levels much at all. My joy comes each day as I take note all the ways I have practiced patience and understanding with these two miracles. Having them has forever changed me, as every person says it will. You just don't know, until it happens. I am a mom who lives and breaths for my kids and always will. You won't find me planning a weekly girls night out, dinners alone with my husband, a spa day away, or an adult only vacations. I have forgotten what brand names are important, don't know what hairstyles are cool anymore, So many women say these are the things that keep them sane but my kids will look back and remember that mom was there every minute of every day that she could be. Short of working full time, they are a part of every.single.thing.I.do. Including working out......ha.
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