Motivation

In the last few weeks I've consumed pizza, a few meals out of the house, some candy, and birthday cake. I feel sluggish, sleepy, lethargic......and GUILTY! While it's certainly not the end of the world, getting sidetracked like this could definitely lead to putting more weight on and not losing one more single pound. I got so good at weight watchers that I stopped tracking every bite daily. WRONG MOVE. I'm back at it this week. My workouts have only been about 2-3 per week the last couple weeks opposed to the 4-5 normally. WRONG AGAIN!

I am still holding steady with a total overall weight loss of 22 lbs, but my goal by xmas is to hit 40. I CAN DO THIS! I am excited to incorporate some p90x upper arm and ab exercised to my current cardio routine in hopes of building lean muscle mass where I now have no tone whatsoever. I feel great working out with weights and it will help me to burn calories much faster. Here are a few of my inspiration pics...........back from about Feb 2003. I bet I was 13-40 lbs in these pics. Jill and I were loving life in our first apartment together!!!!

Blake will soon be THREE

I'm feeling sentimental today, especially after last night's dislocated elbow incident. There are no words to describe how I feel about my little baby Blake. In two short weeks he will be a big boy of 3 years old. WOW. To say that he is everything I imagined would be the understatement of the century. He has a way of making my heart skip a beat just by looking at him. His smile, his eyes.......my son.

He is such a boy and such a comedian. Loves motorcycles, trash trucks, and big-big trucks. Loves to throw balls in the house and swing plastic bats at Lauren's head. He is attached to two blankies and when he's tired he balls them up together by his face and walks around the house. He plays air guitar, he sings at top of his lungs and he makes loud motorcycle noises.He gives pucker lip kisses all day long. Lauren paints his toes pink and he loves it. He loves her. Adores her. He is a sweet soul who gets his feelings hurt easily. We call him Blake, Blakey Boy, Boo, Boo Boo, Bubba Boo, Mr B, SweetyB, Sweet Boy, but most of all I call him my amazing son. I am certainly not deserving of this most perfect child.

Back at it!

I've been a bit swamped with the kids and work and NO hubby the last week and a half so I've put the blog on a back burner. I'm ready to set this thing on fire again :)

I 'm down 14 lbs and counting..........I couldn't be happier to see my body changing every single week. My real  goal is 30 by Christmas.

Speaking of dieting, have you ever heard of a CAKE BALL??? I had, but never gave it much thought. Today I want to give a special shoutouts to a momma I know who is venturing into a new business opportunitie putting her baking skills to wonderful use. I can personally relate to the drive and courage it takes to go out on a limb and do something for youself. Women like her are what inspired me in my photography business.


If you want to know what a cake ball is, or already know but want to see some yummy looking ones then go check out Wilsey's cake balls..........I can't wait until she can ship them so I can finally taste her beautiful creations!

I'm settling in to life without Richard but we really, really miss him. The kids are being great for the most part but I definitely notice Lauren acting out in his absence. We know she's an emotional, dramatic mess at times and his traveling has certainly brought out the worst in her. Every day I am sure to reassure her that even when she's not a good girl mommy still loves her. I remind her that we all have our bad days but some things just aren't acceptable. Today she jetted off to the sitter's in her Easter dress, pink heels, jewelry box full of hair clips, two bracelets, necklace and pink cheetah purse. Can you see her on a future episode of Real Housewives???


XOXO

Inspiration

This is for all of you "non-believers".........I'm not talking about religion, I'm talking proper diet and exercise!!

It is good for you, in case you didn't already know.  Yes, I know - blah, blah, blah.

I've had quite the yo-yo week of eating Easter candy and everything else crappy and let me tell you, I FEEL HORRIBLE! I feel sluggish, am not thinking as clearly as I should and my moods have been yucky. The last few months have been really eye opening to the ways your body and mind will thank you when you treat it right. As I sit here with yet another pounding headache, it's obvious I need some diet and exercise therapy! HA! No weight loss this week, which I expected though. I'm searching for some motivation and inspiration this week.

Someone close to me recently shared some inspirational quotes, not related to my weight loss endeavor, by Dan Millman and I can't get some of them out of my head. I'll share a few that I feel I can personally relate to. Look him up, neat guy. 

"The time is now, the place is here. Stay in the present. You can do nothing to change the past, and the future will never come exactly as you plan or hope for. "

"There is no path to Happiness. Happiness is the path. There is no path to Love. Love is the path. There is no path to Peace. Peace is the path."

XOXO

Do what makes you happy

It hasn't been the greatest week but I'm still positive about 2011 as a whole :) This week it seems lots of exciting things are going on for many people around me and for that I wish them all well!

I've been thinking alot lately about personal things that we all want to do but have not yet done, or don't feel we could ever do, becuase it seems out of reach for whatever reason. 

What are some of those things you have considered doing  but haven't yet done (or maybe you can say you've DONE them??)

Is it fear that's holding you back? Money? Time? What prevents you from doing it?

Right now there are 3 things on my list of "lifetime" to-do's and I'm finally looking into one of those things. It's scary, it's exciting, and it may be a letdown, but nonetheless I have the guts to check it out and see how I can make it happen. It's something totally for ME and that's hard to swallow. By nature I cater to others first, and now that I'm a mom I feel that certain others should always come first in my life. However, life is short......I'm not getting any younger.....time slips away and if you don't grab it, it's gone. If you have the chance to do soemthing that truly makes you happy then others around you will reap the benefits of your actions.

XOXO

Old memories........

I ran across this old pic today of me and boo. He was about 4 months old here. What a face!!! His skin used to be so dry that if he even touched it, it would scratch and bleed...hence all the little scabbies all over. I am so glad we're past that stage but I sure miss having a baby around. Not enough to make me want more though HA!

XOXO

Saying nothing

Sometimes it's best just to say nothing. Pretty simple and we've all heard it before, right??

When you've said everything you can, in every way possible, maybe it's time you start saying nothing. The impact you make by saying "nothing" is usually far greater than you know.

Round 1 down, on to round 2 with added gusto!

Cheering loudly over here! I can now say I've officially lost my first 10 pounds. My spirit is renewed to see my first real milestone in my weightloss journey. For my birthday I got a new exercise bike to add diversity to my workouts and I couldn't be more ecstatic to start phase 2, my next 10 pounds. The bike came out of the box with some damaged parts so it's got to go back to Dick's, thus setting me back about a week of biking. I'm not complaining though.

Kids had a fabulous Easter. They were so excited for the Easter bunny to come adn of course Lauren could NOT get to sleep. That's nothing new, though. Their baskets were overflowing with goodies this year! I am truly overcome with joy when I see the wonder and amazement during all of these precious moments for them. We had a great egg hunt with our neighbors, something we do annually. Kiddos love it and it's great to get together with all the great people we live around.

Which reminds me.....I'm going to add pictures to the blog soon. I promise :)

Tomorrow is my 34th birthday! I got to celebrate with my family on Easter in a little surprise party which was so great. 33 definitely had it's up and downs but I've already starting 34 in the upswing. My goal is to keep this positive momentum going strong all year!

XOXO

Dreading Friday

I should be looking forward to the weekend, but at this very moment in time I am dreading Friday. It's weigh in day. I am so afraid I'm not going to hit the 10 pound mark and it's killing me. I'm counting points, calories, fat, sodium, fiber and protein and have to say I'm eating damn well. COME ON!!!!! I have 2 days to pull this off..............can I do it???

XOXO

What I've learned this week

4 important things I've learned this week:

1) How you look is a reflection of how you feel. I haven't lost 10 pounds yet, but already feel so different physically in my clothing. I am wearing things I would never have worn 5 pounds ago. It's not like I'm suddenly a size 6, but my mindset has really been improved.

2) It's okay to break your diet once in awhile. 3 bowls of fruity pebbles at 9 pm isn't a good reason, but sure can satisfy the urge to binge :) Beware though because you will most definitely wake up feeling like you could eat anything in sight. How odd is that???

3) Sometimes daydreams should remain daydreams. It's not always so hot in reality. This is one I've been waiting for...... Ever smile at the thought of snuggling with your two loving children in bed during a thunderstorm while they fall fast asleep in your arms? Sure it sounds so warm and cozy, and it is for a matter of seconds. Until they've cuddled for 10 minutes and you are almost back to sleep. That's when they decide it's time to wrestle and make tents with the blankets at 3 am.

4) Appreciate what you have and acknowledge it. Every.single.day. You can never, ever, EVER assume anyone else has it better than you, is happier than you, better off than you, etc from observations you make from the outside. Sometimes those are the ones dealing with the most grief, drama, or other horrible life situation that no ones knows about.


What have YOU learned this week??

XOXO

Update!

I'm not sure what to title this post except "Update". Since that's kind of what I've made this blog into ....an ongoing capture of what is going on in my life........ I'm gonna be super original here and say, "here's an UPDATE"!

I'm getting frustrated with my weight loss journey. I've hit some mentally rough patches during the last week that I am trying hard to iron out. I suddenly feel like I've been at this forever and am not getting anywhere. I know the reality is that I've been at this for just under 7 weeks and I HAVE gotten somewhere. Just not where I am envisioning myself to be at this point. I'm hanging on and hanging in there, though. Note to self: GET OFF THE DAMN SCALE FOR A WEEK! Cranked up the intensity of my workouts so I'll report back in a few weeks with an update.


I haven't touched on my photography stuff in a short while. I'm lacking inspiration in this department lately. It's hard to be inspired when I'm so consumed with taking care of family and myself, but I'm making an effort to start seeking out inspiration daily. I'm feeling a but negative since I have no new prospective clientes on the horizon anytime soon. I keep telling myself to market, market, market but I don't have the time, time, time to be busy, busy, busy. My ideal plan would be to have one client per month. The problem is, no marketing equals no new potential clients. Why am I afraid to just put myself out there? Becuase it's revealing. It's in your face. It's like shouting to the world and we all know I do not do well with that. I'm trying hard to keep my personal and professional tendencies on their own plane, but this is a case where I'm having a hard time overcoming a personal trait that is suffocating my professional desires.

Okay, it's getting too deep for a Wednesday. Let's just add this to my 2011 list of goals since I'm doing so well with everything else I set out to do this year :)

Yay me!
XOXO

I want to read this book!

This true story compels me to want to read her book. It's called "A Tale of New Lives" by Marie Walsh. She escaped wrongful imprisonment and lived as a fugitive for 30 years under a new name with a new life. Had a husband and 3 children who never knew her past. Sounds GOOD! See the recent news story here - http://www.wcpo.com/dpp/news/national/calif.-mother-of-3-recounts-life-as-an-%27outlaw%27

Tough love is hard!

I've never thought of myself as a mushy person. I mean sure I like romance, I like emotional intamacy and good connections with people, but I've never been too huggy-kissy-sappy!

Until I had kids.........

These kids have brought out the mushiest, sappiest kind of love there ever could be inside of me! I want to hold them, squeeze them, tell them a zillion times I love them, stare at them in wonder and amazement.......AND never let them go. Ever. Really, EVER! (Un)lucky for me Lauren is just as crazy about all the mushiness as I am. Blake, not so much. Lauren and I have allowed our mushiness to turn into a bad habit over night. In retrospect, I just saw it as necessary bonding time and part of something much bigger. She's needed me in a way that only she can need me..............and NOW we're both paying the price.

This week I've introduced sleep training for my 4 year old. While I've enjoyed the last year of snuggling close to her at night after missing her all day, we're both suffering. She wakes up countless times a night looking for me becuase she doesn't want to sleep alone, etc. Neither of us get a full nights sleep in our own beds (I have a husband, ya know!!) and I am often confused and forgetting where I am and what day it is beucase I am all over the place all night long. We saw her pediatrician earlier this week who made some good suggestions that we are incorporating immediately. Lauren's always been over the top, dramatic, needy, vocal, and demanding...........so this is going to be hard becuase there has been alot of crying on her part and alot of guilt on my part. Bottom line is we need our space. Literally. I'm not good at tough love. I want to bed over backwards to make my kids happy. I never want them to wonder how much I love them. Sadly, this makes me feel like she thinks I suddenly don't love her as much. What a complicated feeling.

On the other hand, I only dream of Blake needing me this much. I want him to be a momma's boy but he's definitely not. At least not at this stage. If it roars, works, has tires or makes noise then he's cool with it. Mom doesn't do those things so at this point he's okay just to say hi to me in passing. He doesn't want to be hugged, carried, snuggled, or loved on for longer than a millisecond and it makes me sad. It's kind of the reason I really felt I wanted more kids so I could balance out all the differing personalities, never havign to worry if one felt favored over the other just becuase they are so different on every level. With one child of each extreme it is sort of a challenge to balance the vast differences BUT.........there will be no more kids and I'll find a way to balance what I've got :) Adding that to my goals for 2011.

Adding a few more goals to 2011

For the first time in awhile I have to say this week hasn't been so great. Starting with me knocking the spaghetti sauce pan onto the floor Saturday afternoon and has relentlessly continued on from there. On top of that I have missed two workouts because I have eaten so badly for two days that I haven't had the energy or stamina to work out. Not expecting much of a weight loss this week.

In reflecting back on the last 5 days, I think it's time to add another goal to my list for 2011. I'm going to start working on controlling my emotions and being less reactive. Although I'm not proud of this trait, I am intensly affected by everything people say or do, and coupled with inner stressors, my emotions can be like a pendelum. Some days it literally kills me (and I'm sure it bugs Ricahrd a tad!)

The kiddos have have a had a good week, with the exception of Blake's yucky herpes outbreak. I'm having a bad mom week after finding out I gave teh little guy his first bout of fever blisters. He will now have to live with these nasty devils for life. His fave has been broken out like you wouldn't believe, in probably 8 or 10 blisters all around his mouth and chin. I am so careful not to be kissy with anyone durign one of my outbreaks so I have to guess it's one of those things he may have been more highly succeptibale to. I'll post a pic later of the poor guy.

My weekly weigh in is tomorrow. I think I'm down another 2 pounds but I'll know for certain in the morning. I can't wait to hit the 10 pound mark!!!!!!

XOXO

The first 5

I did it folks! I lost my first official 5 pounds. It has been a long month and I'm sad to think it took so much hard work just to lose 5 pounds but I am confident that I will contonue to lose another 5, and another 5, and another 5...........

People go on crash diets and do all sorts of drastic things to lose 5 pounds and can usually do so in alot less time than I just did, however I'm proud to say that with proper diet modifications and regular exercise I am embarking on the healthiest way to lose weight and hopefully a lifelong change in my habits. I'm already marveling at how I could drink multiple pops a day, eat lunch out EVERY day with coworkers and scarf down fast food anytime I wanted. It just seems unfathomable a month later. I've not had a sip of pop or one fast food meal. I've had a minimum of 5 glasses of water each and every day. I've worked out at least 3 but usually 4-5 times per week, EVERY week. My weak moments can be counted on one hand - I found some candy in my purse last week and ate about 15 M & M's. I also had 10 Reese Miniature cups the other morning instead of my breakfast. At Jill's last weekend I stole a few bites of Blake's frozen pizza.........all in all, I'm darn proud of myself for having such willpower and motivation to do this.

I am still feeling so good and so positive about all of this.

Keeping up and feeling great!

Tomorrow is my official weigh in, but I sneak on the scale just about every day. It's looking good, but I'll post official 4 week results tomorrow. I am still very much enjoying my (diet) and exercise plan and feeling so good. I've wanted to lose weight for years, so people might wonder "why now" all of a sudden? Maybe I was just never truly ready, willing, or able. Who knows. I swore 2011 would be my year of big change and I am truly feeling it happen.

I also happen to be totally rocking on the coupon front. I found a super deal this morning that made my day, and it wasn't even something I set out to find. Those are the ones I love. I am not quite to the place where I'm seeing major savings, but I am working up to it. There is a method to my madness and I see my master plan coming to fruition!!!!!

Yesterday while I was home with the kids we spent some time outside where Lauren noticed all of the new green foliage sproutng from the front beds. She remembered that we planted bulbs last fall and asked me if it was now springtime. I was as excited as she was to see all the fresh new green poking out so we worked on raking up all of our old mulch (which we've never done) and are adding more garden soil before we mulch again this wpring. Anyone who knows me well knows I have a wierd tendency to need to totally clean out or get rid of certain things and start new. I'll go through the desk, cabinets, ANYTHING and just go crazy for a day and it's like therapy for me. That's kind of what we're doing to the front beds this year and I feel so good. Strange, I know.

We're hoping to get a major jump start on the outside work before Richard takes off on his month long trip to Cleveland later this spring. His company is great about keeping the guys busy with additional training and continuing education, however a month away is just too long for us smack dab in the height of spring yard work -playing outside-park-picnic kind of weather :( We sure will miss him.


XOXO

Energy drain

Today's post is not going to be the most upbeat. I am tired. Let me rephrase, I'm EXHAUSTED! I didn't work out Friday or Saturday nights and got back on schedule last night. Not gonna lie, I was almost too tired to do it but I pushed through a measly 25 minutes of walk/jog anyway. Mentally I was drained from the process of getting Blake to bed. Richard left late to take Morgon home and I was on my own with the kids until almost 9. Blake isn't used to me putting him to bed and never wants me to. After much crying I had to eventually stand outside his door while holding the handle closed until he gave in and started quietly calling for me. When I went back in, he said in the sweetest little voice "I tay in my bed now mommy". I almost cried right there. I put him back in bed and he told me goodnight. At that moment all I wanted to do was crawl in right beside him. My little man, my booey, my bubba, my baby......

BUT, the treadmill was calling me and so was sister. Her demands are wearing me thin. We argue like siblings sometimes. I try so hard not to engage her on that level but as I'm parenting her she is so combative and questioning sometimes, always trying to bargain with me and I don't like it one bit. I admire her determination and strength but it's wearing on me daily. Yesterday was one of those days. By bedtime I was literally falling in bed, only to wake up to her tapping me at midnight to come up and sleep with her. I ignored her as long as I could until she was stomping her feet in our dark bedroom telling (one of us) to come sleep with her. I've asked every parent I know what they would do with a child like like this who demands so much and is so unwilling to take NO for an answer and I get the same response over and over. Put your foot down, don't give in, she'll learn............

Why, then, is it not working with her? I'm tired of fighting with her over everything. Are we destined to be at each others throats our entire life? I surely didn't picture my relationship with my only daughter to be this way. Some of it is the age, I know, but I'm afraid most of it is just who she is. My plan is to teach her how to channel her determination into something wonderful, but at age 4, it's so draining some days.

Here's looking forward to another great and productive week. I'm aiming for another 2 pound weight loss and a few hours of extra sleep.

XOXO

Lots of good things going on this week

Weekly Recap -

I'm two weeks into the my weight loss plan and I'm feeling GREAT!!! I started week one by working out on the treadmill and exercise ball every day. On Friday of last week I got the urge to go even one step further and hopped on a Weight Watchers-online plan. I am so happy I did!!! My weigh in day is tomorrow, but I snuck on the scale this morning and looks like I've possibly lost 2-2.5 lbs this week alone! WOO HOOO!!!

Our Blakey boy is only one small step away from officially being a big boy. We put together his new bed on Sunday and lemme tell ya, that boy thought it was so cool! Now we gotta get rid of the diapers and we'll be home free. He has been helping Daddy work any time he can and got to help out with the new bed. He wants to work on anything and everything. My goodness, he is such a wonderful little man. Daddy assemble the bed and has been a complete angel going to sleep and staying in bed all night. Never could I dream that my two children would be so different from one another........I'll post some new pics this weekend of him with his new bed.

XOXO

We're all learning and growing

As I mentioned earlier I'm worse than a Hallmark card when it came to my emotions about my children. This is not a feeling anyone can prepare you for before parenthood. It's indescribable to every degree, but today is a day that I have to at least blabber the best I can about them. I had one of those nights where a certain child needed me terribly and I've been reflecting on what it is that they have blessed me with.

My kids are both at such wonderful ages and I often say if I could freeze time I would. I think I've said that at every age thus far and am glad we're not stuck in some of the other phases we went through. So I've decided it's not that I want to stop right here and right now, it's that I was to remember everything about these moments. Every smell, every touch, every laugh, cry, tickle, every expression and every single thing about their way of communicating and their little personalities. That's one big reason I take pictures, but it helps me to journal things like this, which I often do but not as much as I'd like. I print my blogs to save for my kids so this serves as my journal to them as well.

First there is Lauren. Lulu. Sissy. Wornen. Lornie. These are all of the beloved names that have been given to my beautiful girl by all those that love her. She's all princesses and bows, despite her genetics to be a tomboy. That is something she isn't and I'm still trying to figure out all the girly stuff with her. She's fussy, she's attention seeking and demanding. She is wise beyond her years and very articulate, speaking volumes from a very early age. She is questioning and curious and must ask me 1000 questions a day. She is attached to momma like nothing else I can describe . She is the most loving and sweet little girl I have ever met. She does not withhold any affection and loves to nurture me. She has to touch me, rub me, stroke me, kiss me, or hold me all the time. It's a bit odd, but I know one day she'll be sick of the sight of me and I'll think back to these days and smile. There has to be a reason I shouldn't be allowing this, like it may cause her to stay too dependant on me later in life......... but I'm not sure how to teach her not to show me so much affection and attention. That in itself seems wrong.

Then there is Mr B. Blakey Boo. Bubba Boy. Boo Boo Boy. Blakers. He is my joy. He is what completes me. He is soft and silly and shy. He is so ticklish and has the best laugh in the world. His smile melts me and his blue-brown eyes cut straight to my heart every darn time I look at him. He is learning so much so fast, and I'm ecstatic to hear him stringing sentences together. He is a man's man (a man's boy??) and is attached to his Daddy in a way only he could be. He is our fix it man, our future MMA fighter (if he can stop from laughing every time he's touched)and protector of big sissy. He is physical and strong and knows it. He is emotional and loses his breath when he cries if you chastise him. Makes you want to scoop him up and love on him the minute you smack his hand or raise your voice. He's like his big brothers Morgon and Trey all rolled into one. I can't believe I have the pleasure of being his mommy. What a blassing and reward!

These kids are the reason I wake up every morning. I greet the day with excitement to see what wonderous things they will do and say. My fuse is shorter than I'd like it to be most times and our busy schedules don't help my stress levels much at all. My joy comes each day as I take note all the ways I have practiced patience and understanding with these two miracles. Having them has forever changed me, as every person says it will. You just don't know, until it happens. I am a mom who lives and breaths for my kids and always will. You won't find me planning a weekly girls night out, dinners alone with my husband, a spa day away, or an adult only vacations. I have forgotten what brand names are important, don't know what hairstyles are cool anymore, So many women say these are the things that keep them sane but my kids will look back and remember that mom was there every minute of every day that she could be. Short of working full time, they are a part of every.single.thing.I.do. Including working out......ha.

Old sayings ring true

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life"

How many times has this applied in your life? In mine, I've lost count. I feel I'm constantly starting over, reinventing, rejuvinating, or reevaluating a portion of my life. Today is no different. After a solid week of working out daily I am elated at how wonderful I feel, so I woke up with the notion that I would take this weight loss seriously and on a whim, joined weight watchers online. I've been a part of weight watchers in the past when I thought I was super huge and fat and ugly and disgusting - at 135lbs. What a misconception that was, eh? I can't blame myself - I was only 23 at the time and when everyone around me is stick thin my curves made me feel like a fatty. Man, if only........ LOL. I was successful at losing 10 lbs and had no trouble at all sticking to my diet. The problem today is that I am cooking for an entire family whose tastes are diverse and varied. Richard is meat and potatoes all the way, while the kiddos are into kid food or anything pasta. They won't touch a potato in any form. No french fry, no mashed potato, nothing!!!! You can see how this poses a problem. The "2011 Jen" will find a way to overcome this obstacle while also meeting my own needs. Watch out world, I'm on a roll :)

A long year

I always open my blog with the notion that "today is gonna be the day" I write my next blog post. I've been a writer my entire life. At times its been the only way I could express myself yet when it comes to blogging it just doesn't seem natural to me. Maybe I am more of a secret-journal type of gal and just can't write as freely on the internet as I could in a notebook that could easily be tucked into a drawer or some other secret hiding place. I'm giving it another shot though. My life has new perspective and I'm willing to see how this goes.

I'm not in the same place I was a year ago. It's been a long, eventful year with lots of ups and even more downs. The downs really got me down and I've worked hard to resume my happy place. It's a different happy place, one that I've been longing to get to. I'm finally worrying about me. As they say "I'm gonna do me for awhile"......hmmm, okay. Doing "me" consists of finding more time to enjoy the things I've stopped enjoying. It also means putting myself first for awhile becuase I've learned I'll be healthier that way. If I put myself first then I'll be better equipped to take care of my family. Selfish, it sounds, but it's not that way at all.

In the past year, I've gotten serious about photography in a way that I only dreamed I could. I don't know that I see myself as a future small business owner, but I'm enjoying the people I've met and experiences I've shared along the way. Personal growth is so important to me and I've been quite stifled for while. True, I've been busy having babies but that's different. I'm growing and that's all that counts for now. I don't just enjoy taking pictures like most people with cameras. My spot behind enables me to see things the way I want to. It's my perspective and no one else's. I am a very private person and the camera acts as my sheild.

I'm going to lose weight this year. I'll admit it.......I'm fat and never used to be. This has been a source or major depression for me that, for too long, spiraled out of control. It's victimized me, paralyzed me, embarrassed me and compromised my health. My children deserve a happy, healthy and active mom and I'm going to give them that no matter what it takes. Richard has worked hard to set up my work out room and I'm proud to say I'm working out every day. I don't expect to lose 40 lbs overnight, but I'm happy every day knowing I'm working toward a goal of becoming more healthy. My only concern is getting Ricahrd on board with a new lifestyle. He's pretty comfortable doing what he's doing for now. In time I hope my progress will be motivation for him.

I'm couponing!!! This is great. I've felt for so long that saving money was too overwhelming and I would eventually commit myself to the extreme measures some people take to save a buck. Now the kids a more self sufficient and I am able to carve out some more time to devote to this "sport". Yes, saving money is a sport. I am now getting the Sunday paper with the ad inserts for a dirt cheap price, am subscribed to all the best couponing sites, use ebates whenever I can, and have started shopping multiple stores. This is all part of my money saving plan in 2011. My coupon box is brimming with all sorts of coupons for things I need!!! This is a great feeling gang.

The babies........I'll save that for another day. They are so amazing it's indescribable. When it comes to them I'm a walking Hallmark card.