Energy drain

Today's post is not going to be the most upbeat. I am tired. Let me rephrase, I'm EXHAUSTED! I didn't work out Friday or Saturday nights and got back on schedule last night. Not gonna lie, I was almost too tired to do it but I pushed through a measly 25 minutes of walk/jog anyway. Mentally I was drained from the process of getting Blake to bed. Richard left late to take Morgon home and I was on my own with the kids until almost 9. Blake isn't used to me putting him to bed and never wants me to. After much crying I had to eventually stand outside his door while holding the handle closed until he gave in and started quietly calling for me. When I went back in, he said in the sweetest little voice "I tay in my bed now mommy". I almost cried right there. I put him back in bed and he told me goodnight. At that moment all I wanted to do was crawl in right beside him. My little man, my booey, my bubba, my baby......

BUT, the treadmill was calling me and so was sister. Her demands are wearing me thin. We argue like siblings sometimes. I try so hard not to engage her on that level but as I'm parenting her she is so combative and questioning sometimes, always trying to bargain with me and I don't like it one bit. I admire her determination and strength but it's wearing on me daily. Yesterday was one of those days. By bedtime I was literally falling in bed, only to wake up to her tapping me at midnight to come up and sleep with her. I ignored her as long as I could until she was stomping her feet in our dark bedroom telling (one of us) to come sleep with her. I've asked every parent I know what they would do with a child like like this who demands so much and is so unwilling to take NO for an answer and I get the same response over and over. Put your foot down, don't give in, she'll learn............

Why, then, is it not working with her? I'm tired of fighting with her over everything. Are we destined to be at each others throats our entire life? I surely didn't picture my relationship with my only daughter to be this way. Some of it is the age, I know, but I'm afraid most of it is just who she is. My plan is to teach her how to channel her determination into something wonderful, but at age 4, it's so draining some days.

Here's looking forward to another great and productive week. I'm aiming for another 2 pound weight loss and a few hours of extra sleep.

XOXO